If you have ever experienced anxiety and/ or depression whether it be anywhere on the scale from seldom to chronic, you most likely know by now that when the stress arises, your head begins to fill with negative thoughts. You might begin to feel hopeless and you don't know what to do or how you will get out of the tough spot you are in, you might beat yourself up, or feel like things are coming to a crashing end. Although your feelings are valid, it is important to recognize our feelings and thoughts in stressful situations and determine which feelings are true and which are not.
Many of us have been in abusive relationships and no, I am not only referring to intimate relationships, I am discussing any relationship with friends, family, partners, co workers, etc. After being in any type of abusive relationship the individual(s) are usually left with the emotional remains and what I mean by that is if the relationship was emotionally abusive you might be left feeling like the words that were spewed out to you were true. If the relationship was physically or sexually abusive you may be left wondering if any of the fights were your fault and you most likely will feel anger and resentment towards that person who violated you in such ways. Whatever type of abuse it was, you are left with some sort of scar that will always be there unless you gradually rewire your mind to replace the stinging pain to something a lot less painful which is... the truth.
Often, I find myself slipping into a mindless rotisserie of negative self talk without even realizing it at all. For example, in the past, I struggled with knowing my worth and respecting myself and my body for many years (up until recent actually). I used to (still sometimes) subconsciously tell myself that my body is only good for sex and I will only make it in life if I use my body as an item. The next thing I knew, I was practically giving myself away to men. Instead of telling myself the truth, that I was deserving of genuine love and appreciation, I went on with the lies I fed myself which all stemmed from the pain I felt from the trauma. The thing is, by acting out on my pain, I never felt good about myself afterwards. I had a truer longing to connect with myself and love myself but I wasn't aware of this longing at the time- sleeping around was not fulfilling my true needs. I can definitely say that sitting with the pain and filling your head with the truth while validating your feelings at the same time is a safer, kinder, and overall much easier route to go.
Even if you have never experienced abuse, I bet you from time to time, you feed yourself with doubt, guilt, shame, and other negativity stemming from something you haven't healed from entirely... something maybe shoved deep, deep down and lost in your subconscious. Most likely you shoved it deep down because you told yourself it wasn't a worthy feeling or emotion to talk about or heal from. You probably told yourself to suck it up. Well, not to be the bearer or bad news (sarcasm) but, that's false! You don't have to experience something traumatic in order for your feelings to be considered valid or real.
You can't truly come out from the "other side" of your feelings if you are telling yourself that your feelings are stupid or they are no big deal. They are a big deal, they are feelings that are real! But, they are not always true and you do not always have to act on them or keep beating yourself in the head with the unnerving thoughts, rather give yourself time to heal and fill your head with the... truth.